The Last VB

We finished this last month. It's strange to think it was the 4th one I designed. It was a hard one because of some restructuring at USU and not having a lot of help and being a crazy pregnant lady. But it got finished and I liked how it turned out. I might advise a little but won't be doing the Viewbook again. Big smiley face

Just A Couple More Months!

I was looking through my blog a month ago at photos of my pregnant belly. I was surprised I posted about once a month or more back then and got kinda sad because blogging isn't cool anymore and it's my only journal source. I was looking at my belly because we've got another little girl coming on December 21st! And I couldn't help but notice how much bigger I am this time. And that made me a little sad too even though everyone told me that's usually how it works. Oh well.

We found out April 18th. I only know that because I was on jury duty for a rape case. It was pretty close to the week from hell. I felt lousy and I had to hear about all the dumb and gross things college students do. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about it because they don't want other people swaying a jury members opinion. We'd have to be there at 9ish and wouldn't get done until 5-6ish. But it was pretty interesting learning how the whole process works. A witness gets up and is questioned by both sets of lawyers, sometimes multiple times. After they're done, the jury can write a question down and it's discussed by the judge and lawyers and if it's approved they'll ask it. Although several of my questions weren't asked. Apparently they have a list of things they can question about and if they feel it's not relevant to the witness, they won't ask it. Although, it wasn't just me that asked certain questions and all of us felt they were relevant. Every time they needed to discuss something we'd be excused to our little conference room. They gave us lots of snacks and it was fun to get to know everyone on the jury. Although we weren't ever allowed to talk about the case with each other because two of us were alternate jurors. They didn't want the alternates to sway the real juror's opinions either. And on Friday, I was both relieved and disappointed to find out I was an alternate. I was supposed to do a photo shoot that night for true aggie night and I got done right when I needed to be there. But I couldn't make myself go and let my boss down. The thought of watching strangers makeout in front of each other after listening to the case all week was too much for my mental state.

One of the jurors is a really sweet older woman and we exchanged numbers so if either of us got dismissed we could find out what happened. I later saw her at my nephews baptism. I feel like all of the jurors are somehow long lost best friends because of what we went through together. I doubt most of them feel the same but it was cool to see a group of completely different people come together to do our civic duty and to laugh be scared together. And ultimately to determine a mans fate together.

One of my favorite parts were how dramatic and TV-like the final arguments were. I don't remember exactly what was said but the defense had a story about a bird being either dead or alive in a mans hand and how the bird was his defendant "and ladies and gentlemen of the jury, like this bird, this case...  is... in your hands."  Then the prosecution made another animal correlation about stinky fish. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I smell a lot of stinky fish, but don't let the stink distract you from the trail." I was barely holding it together. No wonder I got dismissed.

Anyway, I'd kinda forgotten about jury duty until today. The Wednesday morning of jury duty I was feeling a little off so I took a test and it was positive! I hadn't been on birth control for a little over a year and we were starting to wonder if we should go to the doctor. Last time it took awhile too and I think birth control can really messes a person up. I told Jake obviously and also one of the jurors in our bathroom stalls before the case started. Ha! I was too excited and blurted it out.

I hadn't taken a single preg photo this go around. So, as per usual, here's a computer one. I'm 31 weeks. And sadly, I had to check the app on my phone to know that.

Unlike last time when I never bothered wearing maternity pants, I started wearing stretchy pregnancy pants around 8 weeks. I got a nasty barfing virus the week after jury duty and my guts couldn't stand any sort of pressure and it just stayed that way. I kinda thought it was twins at first and a few people, including the dr, suggested it too but the ultrasound just said one. I've had a weird relationship with sugar. If I ate it at the beginning, my heart felt like it would pound out of my chest. But now, if I don't have it, my limbs feel tingly and numb until I eat some. I was worried I had diabetes or something but my sugar test came back fine. I've been a complete crazy person this time too. I forget everything, get really sensitive, and worry about everything. It doesn't help when things like Ebola and terror threats at USU are happening.

This time around, the thing that has freaked me out the most is having two kids. And will I love this baby as much as I love Abby. And will they love each other. The rational side of me knows it'll be fine when she comes.  But the crazy side still thinks about it.

Sorry for the word-heavy post. I'd like to promise more pics in future posts but I'm barely functional so awesome pics aren't in my near future :)

Thoughts about Women

This topic has been floating around in my head for a couple years now. It's a complex enough one that I don't think a solid solution can completely formulate in my head, at least not in this lifetime. But I thought I'd write a few things on the ol blog right now.

Being a mom brings new perspective, especially being a mom to a little girl because I know I need to be her example. As she grows up new challenges come, and I don't really worry that much about how well she'll do in school or if she'll be a good athlete or if she'll have a lot of friends. Because none of that matters if she has a pretty good sense of self. She could be bad at school but still know she has value and can contribute a lot in this world. She could only have a tiny handful of friends and it wouldn't really matter to her because she loves the life she lives and the people she's chosen to be around her. But I don't know how to give her that sense of value and worth in this world. I grew up in a great family with a gospel that teaches how valuable I am. But the world taught me to be insecure because I was tall and have lots of freckles. Really, that's such a joke. I absolutely hate that girls hold themselves back because of the way they look. They feel like they can't have as much fun or get the respect they deserve because they aren't pretty or skinny enough. They think people won't like them unless they fit into a certain mold and the fear of being ridiculed is enough to keep them in a mediocre, shadowy status.

I'm not sure what being a feminist means exactly. I think it's a very loaded term so I would never use it to describe myself. I read a lot of stuff about gender wage gap, rape culture both in America and the world, pop culture stuff like Miss America pageant and Carls Jr commercials. Topics like abortion are no brainers to me because it's the most disgusting thing I can think of but I still try to find out why the hell people can possibly think it's okay and understand their side. Why women don't seem to fit into certain jobs like sports casting and why Ray Rice's wife defends him so diligently compared to USA's womens soccer goalie getting a domestic abuse charge and thinking about the differences in situations. There's sooooo much going on just in the past couple weeks that tell a lot about what our society is like and the underlying problems that women face everyday. It's a huge topic. It surprises me how many of these types of problems exist in the church. Women rallying to get into the priesthood session and for change in doctrine to have the priesthood and be in all prominent callings, wear pants to church, be able to openly breastfeed in sacrament meeting. 

Which always leads back to what I want Abby to know about these topics and how to handle them in her little brain when she gets older.

What I want is for people in the world to care more about improving their mind and better their relationships with family and friends. To take the time to get to know God and religion and culture. Where do these insecurities in both men and women come from and why do they manifest themselves the way they do?  Like if your outfit is expensive enough to impress everyone will you get more friends. And if that hook in your nose that you got from your grandpa is making people think less of you. And if you could lose your love handles you'll be more successful at your job and dating. In some ways, this is only a first world problem because people who have to sweep dirt floors and worry about food everyday don't have the time. But I know that even people in the Philippines care about stuff like this. If men and women only cared about the important stuff than I think women's issues would sort themselves out. 

Anyway, I think I've written all I feel like writing for now. I'll include one of the things I watched today that was pretty amazing.

LIttle Nose, Big Boogers

I've been wanting to update our life in a long time on here but I haven't taken any good photos in awhile. Besides these amazing photos of Abby looking perplexed at the giant slugs that frequent her nostrils. Her nose is the tiniest thing, but her boogs are the size of one of those big-nosed dwarves from The Hobbit.

Oh yeah,

About 6 months ago I finished the viewbook for this past year and forgot to post it... we've already started meeting about next years. Those things are gonna kill me. 

Today I hit my 3-year mark of working here...  I started Valentines Day 2011. It seems like I've been here forever and just started at the same time. I've out-lived a couple of my favorite co-workers and am more acquainted with the politics of a University, the good and the bad. When I was trying to decide if I should go into graphic design, I was worried about making a bad company look good. I knew from past experience that if I didn't believe in my company I wouldn't be able to do it. Luckily, I really love the university and strongly believe a higher education is a worthy brand to build. 

One more thing, this has been one of my fav's for a little while. I've even been waking up to it and I haven't started hating it yet :)

One Day

Last summer I wanted to take pics throughout the day so I could remember what a regular day was like at this time of our lives. I was proud that I remembered most of the day since I'm a forgetful person, although I did miss a few hours in the evening. I completely forgot all about it until last week and now that Jake and Abby go to bed about 2 hours before I do, it's a good time to post! 

So, here's a day:

I usually wake up when Abby wakes up and Jake is already gone. 
And if she has to yell in order to wake me up, she's kinda mad.

but then she cheers up!

during the summer we'd always have to go check out the back yard because 
Abby could hear the construction going on from a house being built

morning faces of course

Morning bottle. 

Abby always strokes her hair while she drinks.

This is part of the day I don't love because I'm trying to get out of the house. I think Abby can feel my anxious-ness and gets sad – it's amazing how my mood affects her so obviously. All she wants is to play outside and I won't let her.

She wore a neckerchief because she was very drooly.

Seriously, why does it always take so long to get out of the house?!?!

Finally at the babysitters

Michelle and her daughter Alaina. These are the people 
who Abby hangs out with most next to Jake and I

Time to work! Poptarts, milk, tampons. The necessities.

This particular day I took photos of some apartments near campus 

to make vectors out of them to use  in a publication about housing

I also took a pic of my co-worker Trent for the same page. 
He became an old father sad that his kids were headed off to college.

Jeremy is the video dude in the office, he also owns a powder surf company... 
we get into a lot of discussions... I think that's why I snapped a pic.

My messy office.

KFC for lunch. Yes, I eat garbage food most days.

And, back with the nugget!!

She's usually happy when I pick her up, and mad at the end of the 2 blocks drive home.

More faces while we enjoy KFC

After lunch, Abby takes a nap and I keep working. Until...

Daddy's home!!

Kisses from Daddy...

Sloppy kisses from Abby...

Jake tries to take a little nap when he get's home. 
But Abby's a little too cute for that. And mischievous.

The most awkward pic of the day. Dinner from Panda Express. Yes, I'm a little ashamed both lunch and dinner came from restaurants. It's not necessarily 100% accurate of our everyday. But, at this point in our lives, We're both a little too busy and apathetic to make all our food. We're usually working on something and suddenly realize we're starving. Which is another habit I hope will change someday, but for now, it's fast food, mac n cheese, and cottage cheese and pears.

We watch almost all the Salt Lake Real games and U.S. soccer games in the summer.

The evening is when I failed to take photos. But we went out and picked raspberries and played outside until it was cold, then ate raspberries, and went to bed. In the summer we usually didn't get abby in bed until around 10. 

So, there's the day! I think I mostly wanted to do this since I know life will change in a few years. I hope to get better at planning activities with Abby and any other kids that come along. And I'd like to get to know my neighbors better and be involved in the community. I want to get better at cooking and plan meals and go grocery shopping once a week instead of the frantic need-to-get-milk-so-I'll-grab-random-stuff-on-the-aisle-ends type of shopping I do now. I want to get good enough at it that I have at least 20 recipes memorized. I want to read more and work less and play outside more.

I really love my job. I want to have more kids and not work full time someday. But sometimes I worry I won't feel the accomplishment that comes from designing everyday and seeing a publication through from start to finish. That everyday will feel the same and be hectic and exhausting and frustrating and I'll end up miss work terribly. I wouldn't know these worries existed if I didn't hear other women talk about what they struggle with. I'm realizing I have a LOT to learn about being a homemaker and there's been times I've sort of resented the expectation to be a homemaker. I didn't want to do it simply because it was expected. I'm not naturally very maternal or organized, both skills highly needed in the motherhood occupation, which made me repel the idea of being a homemaker even more. Plus, sometimes I run into ladies who are really into it who are really weird to me. They care about and get excited over weird things. I don't want to care about stains and whole wheat and going to the gym. And buying triangle-pattern baby leggings from that lady on instagram. When I try making a list of items I should get from the case-lot sale and cooking bags of freezer meals and getting 10 years of food storage I want to commit a crime after. I've been dreading visiting teaching because my partner and ladies we visit talk about things I can't relate to. I mostly ask questions and nod but in my mind, panic and boredom somehow both start spreading.

But, I know what is really happening is I'm just worried about the future because it's unknown, not because it's really that terrifying. And as always, it'll be about finding the balance. The balance between doing things I'm interested in and excited about AND things I have to do AND learning new things that can make my family better off.

That Facebook quiz told me my mental age is 17. Well, fine.

Summer Love and Mallow Roasting.

I'm going to miss summer. It's not like we were off playing outside and swimming all day everyday... work messes up those plans. But I'm going to miss going outside without shoes. And picking berries that generously grow in our yard despite our lazy gardening. And the knacker neighbor kids knocking on our door everyday to pull weeds for money. And the long days that make us forget to put abby in bed until 10:30. And the bocci ball and croquet. And riding our scooter around campus at midnight because it's not licensed or insured yet. But, winter helps me remember that life isn't 100% amazing all the time so notice it when it is. And when it's not, it's actually still pretty good. Whenever life needs inspiring, I can turn to Anne Shirley who reminds me.

“Life is rich and full here . . . everywhere . . . if we can only learn how to open our whole hearts to its richness and fulness.”

Don't worry, another Anne quote will be in the thanksgiving day post

Backyard bliss